The Work - Example

Here is an expansion of how the four questions apply to the statement “Paul should understand me.”

Is it true?

Is it true that he should understand you? Be still. Do not answer to quickly. Wait until you are open enough to resist initial, quick answers.

Can you absolutely know that it's true?

Ultimately, can you really know what he should or shouldn't understand? Can you absolutely know what is in his best interest to understand?

How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

What happens when you believe “Paul should understand me” and he doesn't? Do you experience anger, stress, frustration? How do you treat Paul? Do you give him “the look”? Do you try to change him in any way? How do these reactions feel? How do you treat yourself? Does that thought bring stress or peace into your life? Be still as you listen.

Who would you be without the thought?

Close your eyes. Picture yourself in the presence of Paul. Now imagine looking at Paul, just for a moment, without the thought “I want him to understand.” What do you see? What would your life look like without that thought?

The Turnaround

Next, turn your statement around. The turnarounds are an opportunity to experience the opposite of what you believe to be true. You may find several turnarounds.

For example, “Paul should understand me” turns around to:

• I should understand me
• I should understand Paul.
• Paul shouldn't understand me.

Let yourself fully experience the turnarounds. For each one, find at least three genuine, specific examples in your life where the turnaround is true. This is not about blaming yourself or feeling guilty. It's about discovering alternatives that can bring you peace